Lost & Found & Lost
Decision paralysis.
You’ll notice that I haven’t been very active on here as of late. And that’s for a number of reasons, beside all the chaos going on in the world right now, my nervous system has been in state of shock, and I’ve had to … adjust. But beyond that, I’ve also been dealing with decision paralysis. For those of you who may not know what this is, here is a quick definition I found somewhere on the Internet:
Decision paralysis, also known as analysis paralysis, occurs when an individual is overwhelmed by choices or overthinks a situation, leading to an inability to make a decision. This can result in inaction and increased anxiety, often affecting one's mental well-being.
Searching for a Needle in a Haystack…
You see, my problem is that I’m looking for something. Perhaps it’s the perfect game for me. I’ve played role playing games for over three decades and while I do have fun, I’m looking for that ultimate comfort device. But compounded with my search is also the lack of ability I have in playing. So, I’ve been searching for something that allows me to play without necessarily needing a group of players. Let’s face it. In 2025, we’re all too busy working to survive and what little free time we do have remaining, at least in my case, is spent recuperating and recharging for next week’s work routine.
So, I’ve taken some time to do some searching, I’ve been on a Quest, you might say! And I’ve got three major criteria for what I’m looking for:
Because I’m using a forum as my medium, the system should be geared more for a Narrative experience instead of a Crunchy/mathematical/Roll-Playing experience. I’m using a forum because I want the option to include additional people and because I can role play anywhere I have a few moments available. I’m also fairly comfortable with the concept of Journaling and a forum is an easy go-to.
I want a system that isn’t massive with a ton of rules scattered throughout many books. But I also don’t want something so light that there’s no guardrails which can also lead to decision paralysis, and a lack of creative direction. I need character options. Does this make any sense?
I want a Roll Under mechanic, only because I struggle with assigning Target Numbers for character challenges. Having a roll under mechanic would relieve some burden from my shoulders—even if it’s only me playing.
Okay, I lied. I also want something fairly science-fictiony if possible, or at least genre-neutral.
As a result of my searching, I’ve been expanding my ever-growing library with more systems. Quite a few of them have been bulk purchases, and I’ll skim through them, and set them aside, because they don’t quite scratch that itch. So for a while, I’ve contemplated creating my own role playing system, and that was working well enough, until just a couple hours ago, when I realized that what I was attempting to build couldn’t work. Back to square one.
In the meantime, I did pick up a fabulous supplement for my role playing experience, which I’ll most likely write a much better dedicated article for once I’m finished reading it, and that is the Mythic Game Master Emulator. Briefly, with this masterpiece, I can run any game, and play it all by my lonesome self. Another great thing about the Mythic GME is that it does utilize the Roll Under mechanic so YAY, one check box marked off!
But if I could build the perfect game system for me, I’d have to fuse the following together:
The freedom and power of customization of Attributes from Big Eyes Small Mouth. Plus, it really lends well to that light-heated anime, whimsical style of play that I’m into.
The extensive options of Qualities from ShadowRun 4e (and expansion books), with the Advantages & Disadvantages of GURPS. (I said that I really enjoy options, didn’t I?
Having just learned of the combat system of Delta Green, I love how quick combat resolves in it. Also it’s a roll-under mechanic as well—if I’m not mistaken.
The non-lethality of Teenagers from Outer Space.
And I’m still looking for a Sci-fi/Space Opera/Cyberpunk/Futuristic setting to play within. I could achieve that with GURPS, but there’s probably other games like Stars Without Numbers that could facilitate this need as well.
Oh, and one other thing— a Mission Builder. ShadowRun in the Contacts and Adventures supplement has a set of three tables that a GM can roll on to quickly generate a playable mission in minutes. I really like this feature, because some days, I just don’t have the mental capacity to dream up of somewhere cool, something awesome for my character(s) to play around in!
Maybe there’s a resource out there somewhere that would show me how to combine all these these together to create a custom homebrew— I mean, after all, if I’m solo-playing then other people don’t need to invest in all the resources too, and if I do end up with a entourage of players joining upon my epic adventures throughout Time and Space, then I can just show them the necessary pieces needed for creating their character(s). Alternatively, there’s a game system that describes all of this, closely enough that I can get by with it. I just haven’t found it yet.
Maybe you’ve seen something that’ll help me? If so, please, I’m begging you, let me in on the secret forbidden knowledge! I might bake you some of my not-quite-so-famous chocolate chip cookies. You know, the really soft kind that actually stays soft for days? Yeah, those cookies. And they’re homemade. By me! Yeah, I do other things besides role play! And watch anime. And fix computers. And… fall asleep during the middle of the day…
Maybe it’s not the System?
At the same time, I realize that perhaps it’s not the system that’s the problem. I’ve also been thinking about what character concept I’d like to play. And I’m just as stuck. Nothing sounds interesting. But I desperately want to play!
I’ve thought about rebuilding the character I had an absolute blast playing while roaming around Seattle in ShadowRun, Lindsey— but GURPS style. The cool thing about this character is not only is she totally unhinged and crazy, but she also teleports randomly through time anytime she sneezes. This would be a hilariously interesting concept to play, especially as a solo-game. And I did begin building her, and I slog through learning GURPS 4e. Problem is, right now, I feel that despite spending over 500 build points, she’s still incomplete! And she’s really not all that powerful at all. Just a girl from the future who only has a couple of magical fire attacks and can teleport through time—and she can’t even control where or when it happens (or when she’ll end up!) So perhaps I’m building her incorrectly? (I’m also using the GURPS Character Sheet, a free software resource that greatly assists with character builds.
But then again, I got to thinking about actually playing Lindsey using the medium I’ve chosen—a forum. Is GURPS a reasonably easy system to manage via Play by Post? It’s a pretty crunchy system. So maybe I need to look for a different system? I mean, I could fall back to using Big Eyes Small Mouth. I’m familiar with the system, and it can be narrative enough to work with a forum. I know, I’ve used it for years via forum role play. But even though I know I could build my character, especially by creating the needed Attributes and Defects that she’d need, something doesn’t feel quite right. Something feels off. Lindsey’s a fun character to play, and I feel I need something totally unhinged to release the stress I’m under from all the chaos and the world seemingly is falling apart from within reality. But at the same time, I don’t know if I’m in the correct mindset to pull of her personality correctly.
I’ve thought about putting together a new character concept I’ve been sketching over the past few months, Hikari Amaterasu. A overly optimistic, misfit of a Magical Girl. She’s a fun character too, but … I’m just not feeling it right now. In fact, I’ve got an entire squad of Magical Girls that I could through into a game. But yet, I still desperately want to play a game!
I Don’t Believe It’s the Character’s Fault Either…
I could just be completely burned out, on like everything. All week, while I’m slaving away at work, whenever I have those precious few seconds of idleness, I have sparks of inspiration. Oh! That’d be fun! Yeah! I gotta try that out! But then by the time my weekend comes, I’m totally dead. In fact, lately, I’ve been falling asleep on the way to and from work on the commute home. My doctor and I think it’s because I’m Vitamin D deficient. But I won’t know for certain for like another month while these supplements enter my bloodstream.
Maybe I’m feeling this way because I’ve actually lost hope. It seems that everything has gone to shit fairly rapidly. Everyday, there’s more bad news all around. And it’s not like I can just unplug from the world. People’s rights are being stripped, my very way of life is changing daily, and if I’m not staying on top of all these changes, I could end up in a really bad place. And I’ve gotta swallow a handful of medications periodically throughout the day just to tolerate the now chronic pain I’m in just to do my job. Maybe it’s all just too much. Maybe I just need to escape reality? Maybe I just need to sit down and play a damn game?
Everything I’m attempting seems to be yielding zero results. The JobSearch.exe apparently has crashed or maybe its in a Zombie status. I’m not sure which. Because I know a good portion of my problems is most likely a result of my job. Warehouse work destroys your physical body, and I’ve been doing this for nearly fifteen years now. What I wouldn’t give to have a boring desk job. Ideally, I’d love to work for game studio, or game publishing company maybe? Perhaps I should look into whatever the name of the industry is called that deals specifically with role playing games? Eh, it’s a thought, and I’m rambling. So I’ll close this up with a question: What’s your favorite go-to role playing game?